Show Don't Tell The Drop...
Before:
Butterflies flew in my stomach, I was scared.
After:
Sweat trickled down my forehead, blood pumped rapidly through my veins. The canyon stretched out before me as daunting and as deep as ever.
I could distantly hear the crowd and commentators yelling and screaming animatedly as they seemed far away. The crowd screamed at me to go, my whole life had been leading up to this moment of time… It was time to make the drop.
Walt: Show don't tell
Over the last couple of days, the class has been working on an exciting show don't tell story. It has been super fun I really enjoyed making my awesome show don't tell story. I hope you like it!
Refection:I enjoyed writing an exciting show don't tell story.
I could improve by making my story longer.
Kia ora Hunter, its Ken from your class. I really enjoyed your writing it was very interesting. I don't think that your story needs to be longer. Its good the way it is. Ka pai, keep up the good mahi. KEN
ReplyDeleteHello Hunter, it's Tait from Room 5. I really enjoyed your writing it was very interesting. Maybe next time you could add a bit more to your story. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteKia ora Hunter, ko Ms Peters toku ingoa. Nō te kura o Ahipara ahau.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your Show, don't tell piece of writing. I like the descriptive way you wrote and the way it made me imagine what you were writing about. To be better than before (BTB) maybe you could add more detail as it made me want to see what happens next. Keep up the good effort! Mā te wa.